Ok so I admit the title of this page is SEO fodder. My personal belief is that you never get over the death of a loved one…..and neither should you try to.
You get over a cold, you get over breaking up with a boyfriend in your youth – these are things you experience, you feel miserable and then you forget all about them.
When someone you love dies, feeling like you need to get over their death can be an incredibly harmful emotion. The feeling that you need to stop feeling sad at their loss, that you need to return to exactly the same person you were before they died is never going to happen so don’t allow your grief to turn to guilt that you are letting yourself or others down.
The reality is that when someone you love dies, they will always be a part of your life. The love you feel for them will never go and the sadness you feel will come back from time to time. This is ok. What is important is that you are kind to yourself and you give yourself time to mourn their loss.
However also be kind to yourself when in the future you find yourself smiling at something or making plans. Your life will go on, it won’t have them in it physically any more, but they will always live on in your memories. Don’t cry for them but smile and laugh because they gave you joy and more than anything they would want you to go on with that joy because they loved you too.
So if you are feeling you need to get over the death of a loved one, ask yourself what they would want you to do – cry for their loss or celebrate their lives?
If you would like to read more about grief and how it can affect us, I like the Ball in a Box theory proposed by Lauren Herschel. You can read about it by following this link or read Laurens original Twitter thread here.